It's been a while since I've written in here. I just spent the last half hour reading old entries. No particular reason why... I just felt like seeing what kind of stuff I've been thinking in the last year. I never really stop to read these entries when I post them.

I had an interview with the Winona Daily News yesterday and am now their newest part-time sports reporter! It doesn't pay a ton, but I don't even care. It's a job that pays more than not working would, and it's at a newspaper. I'm beyong excited. To be completely honest, I'm also a little bit scared. This is probably the first job I've ever had that actually matters to me. Coldstone did a little at first, but that was only because it was my first job. MoneyGram was just a (very boring) way to make money over the summer. Nacel was a less boring way to do the same. This is something that I want to do for a career. It's not just some meaningless way to earn money. I'm working at a real newspaper. That people actually read. It's a little scary to think about. But I'm definitely more excited than anything.

It's cold out. But I think I'm ok with it. I'm not ok with how cold it is in my room though :(. Especially in the morning when I wake up... Sara likes to keep the fans on at night... otherwise she can't sleep. I don't mind until the morning. Maybe I'll ask her to turn the fans off when she wakes up?

I hope the Twins cream the White Sox tonight... :)

"...what is not possible is not to choose. I can always choose, but I must know that if I do not choose, that is still a choice." -Jean-Paul Sartre

Well I guess it's a good thing I'm getting to be a lot better at making decisions. It helps that I am often in positions where I need to make them. As an editor for the paper, as the publicity chair for SAC, as a hall representative in Student Senate... It's really helping me feel more comfortable about making my own personal decisions that I know will affect others. My big fear used to be this effect my choices have on everyone, but as Sartre said, not choosing was just as much of a choice and had just as much effect on others.

Por una mirada, un mundo;
por una sonrisa, un cielo;
por un beso... Yo no se
que te diera por un beso!
-Gustavo Adolfo Becquer

I wish I felt this much admiration for someone. I wish someone felt this much love for me. It's such a short and simply-worded poem, but there's so much meaning behind it. It's beautiful in its simplicity. It's full of longing and passion... it's hard to imagine loving someone so much. It's hard to imagine wanting to give so much in the hopes that the other person will look at you, smile at you, kiss you.

I guess I'm in one of those moods. I feel like talking... like having a real heart-to-heart. I hate when that happens and I don't really have anyone to talk to. I mean, I have people to talk to, but you can't really force a heart-to-heart.

I need to go for a run. I have done nothing since tryouts ended.... besides one long walk with Molly. I just haven't really had time. Running itself doesn't take long, but then there's showering and getting ready again. I wish I were disciplined enough to run in the morning before getting ready. Then again, I really don't go to bed early enough to ever expect to be able to wake up any earlier than I already do.

I'm losing focus.. I think I'm going to go to bed.

I'm very extreme in my moods and emotions. I'm either incredibly happy and giddy and optimistic or very frustrated and cranky. I'm also pretty extreme in my thoughts in general. I either feel incredibly confident and sure of myself or very timid and uncertain. I'm either loving life and taking risks or holding back and doubting myself. I'm either letting go and having fun or worrying intensely. Rarely do I feel like I'm right in between. And honestly, I like it that way. More often than not I'm the positive, upbeat extreme, and it's a lot more fun than just letting life go on without me. I like to take charge. I like to get involved.

This entry just totally shifted in focus. Now I don't even know what I'm getting at.

Just being back at school makes me feel so much more confident. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's just because I feel like I have more say about things here. I'm more of an equal. More of an adult. Most of the people I encounter are around my age. They can't look down on me because I'm only 19. I feel more respected than I do at home. And I get to be a leader. It's nice. Really nice.

Ok. That was all really random. My roommate just gave me permission to do homework (haha... you have to be here), so I think I'm done here.