Post-grad revelations

• Life is so much more enjoyable when you take the time to just breathe.
• I don't have to be in full control of everything.
• I really was overwhelmed beyond belief last year and should have given a few things up.
• By the end, I really wasn't enjoying all of my activities as much as I told people I was.
• Yoga is amazing.
• Thinking is good. Doing is better.
• Sleep is very important. You miss more by not getting enough sleep and lacking energy than you do by being asleep at a reasonable hour.
• Spin classes are amazing.
• Tea is delicious.
• My favorite memories from college involve fun people and spontaneous adventures. My least favorite memories involve stressing over making everything fit in my schedule. It takes effort to remember working on homework, writing papers, or studying.
• Other good college memories involve the classes I was prepared and well-rested for, and therefore able to participate in fully.
• I was sad to leave high school and then found college to be 100 times better. I was sad to leave college and find the "real world" even better than that. The lesson? Always be excited about life and changes and new steps.
• It's not that hard to override negative thoughts with positive ones.
• Doing dishes isn't that bad of a chore.
• It really does pay to have a work-out buddy.
• There's a lot of really great music out there. It is not found on KDWB or B96.
• I really like spending time with my sister... usually.
• It's hard to see my sister as an adult, even though I know it drives me nuts when people don't see me as an adult.
• Fall is the best season.
• Apple butter is delicious. So are pumpkin lattes.
• The reason people don't care about stupid little things is that they are stupid little things.
• It doesn't take that long to think before you complain.
• You will never be able to appreciate any kind of progress you make if you're comparing yourself to others. The only comparisons you should make are against yourself, and you should always be striving to better yourself.
• "Look skinnier" is not a valid life goal. Eat healthier, sleep better, breathe deeper, smile more often, take pride in the things you do to take care of yourself... these are much better goals.
• Always expect unexpected costs to pop up.
• Being busy all the time does not mean you are living life to its fullest.

I thought graduation would hit me during senior week. Then I thought it would happen at the graduation ceremony or as we moved our stuff out of the village. When that didn't happen, I thought it would hit me over the summer. Then I figured it would for sure hit me when everyone else moved back to SMU without us. Finally, I thought it would hit me when I returned campus to visit. I thought I would feel really sad and really wish I could go back.

I didn't. It was nice to go back for a bit and see people, and it was interesting to see some of the changes since we left in May. I wasn't sad though. Not at all. I didn't feel a pang of jealousy for everyone who's still in college, as I had expected. I didn't find myself wishing I were still involved in the different clubs and activities that ran my life.

I didn't feel like an outsider either. That was surprising too. I figured if I didn't feel like I should still be a student that I would feel like an outsider, a visitor. That wasn't the case though. I still feel like a part of the SMU family, but I'm still more than happy to be done with the student part. I'm happy to not have to worry about homework and studying and making it to class. I'm happy to not have to worry about balancing my responsibilities in my activities with my social life and running schedule. I'm happy that my extra activites now are basically things I want to do, and for most of them, I don't have to go if I don't want to... which just makes it easier to want to be there.

This whole transition from college life to the "real world" has been so much easier than I ever expected. :)

It's not that I'm too picky. It's not that I'm too independent. It's not that I'm anti-love or anti-romance. It's not that my standards are too high. It's not that I have "back off" stamped across my forehead. It's not that I have trust issues or expect all guys to be jerks and liars. It's not that I'm afraid of commitment. It's not that I'm unloveable. It's not that I'm too busy. It's not even that I like being single right now.

It's that I'm patient.

I haven't met a guy yet who's really worth taking a significant amount of my time away from my friends and family - the people in my life who have been around and will continue to be around. I know what I want out of a real relationship, and I have yet to find someone who I think I could have that with.

So I stick to talking, flirting, and just hanging out and having fun. I keep my family and friends at #1 and keep my wits about me.

I don't worry about being alone forever. I don't think I will be. It's not something I need to worry about right now, so I don't.

I'm patient. It may be the only thing in my life that I'm patient about, but I think love is one thing really worth being patient for.

So people can feel sorry for me if they want. They can worry about me or shrug me off as an ultra-independent feminist. They can keep telling me that I need to meet a "nice boy" right now and get married and all that jazz. They can keep up the annoying "any boyfriend?" questions. They can think whatever they want. In the end, I know I'll be the happy one.

It's very comforting to know that finishing college was just the beginning. I may not live with/next door to/near my friends anymore, but that definitely doesn't mean I won't see them anymore or that we can't still be super close. This weekend proved that. I think I can finally feel like I have some closure with graduating. :)

Let it go?

It's weird how all of the stress, anxiety, business, and pressure of this semester (well, this year really) ended so abruptly. Activities are over forever, the lacrosse season ended, classes and projects are done with, and grades are in. Now it's senior week, and my only concern is having fun and saying goodbyes before graduation Saturday. Stress from back home pretty much went away at the same time as school stress died down too. You'd think it would be a complete relief to suddenly not be worrying all the time, but it just feels weird. Too abrupt. I can't completely relax because I'm afraid I'm missing something that I should be worrying about. There was so much going on this year, and I got used to being worn down and distracted. Now I just find myself taking stock of the year and thinking about just how jam-packed it was. I still have a lot on my mind...

It's senior week though, and I only have a few more days as an undergrad at Saint Mary's... just a few more days with my roommates and some of the best friends a girl could ever ask for.

Are we there yet?

I can't wait to graduate and have my own space and not be talked down to like a little kid.

I've been in a less-than-chipper mood the last few days. Okay, I've been a little moody in general since spring break ended. Being away from my classes and responsibilities for a while was nice, and having my own room - my own space - again was nice. I'm just feeling really homesick and am seriously lacking sufficient 'me' time. Maybe that's why I'm never really productive when I have large chunks of time during the day (like now). It's the only time I have to myself to do what I want to do and/or watch what I want to watch without having to compete with what other people want to do. As stubborn as I can be, I'm not one to make a big deal about noise or music or tv or other little things that bother me. That's a little surprising (even to me) considering the things I do turn into a big deal... at least with my closest friends. I guess I'd rather be a little annoying about things that don't affect them than start some kind of argument over something that does have to do with them.

I want to run, but I want to take advantage of my time alone in the village. I suppose I should clean since we're apparently having two visitors this weekend, with one coming today (all of which I found out last night). I should work on homework too... and the Cardinal. I should run to the store for stuff I'm running out of. I want to nap, but I should maybe just make some coffee instead. I want to go for a 4 hour walk like I used to do when I had so much on my mind, but a) I don't have that kind of time, and b) if I'm going to walk, I might as well run. I wish I had time for both.

I'm rapidly losing motivation to train for and run my marathon. I've already gotten so far behind, and I just don't like what a chore running has gotten to be. I still love it, but when things get busy and I'm fighting to fit it into my schedule in my only "down" time, it's really hard to enjoy it. If I had nothing else to do it'd be a different story.

I just feel really... blah.