It's been a long time since I've written, but I don't want to have to take time to go over everything I've missed to get to my point, so... S.O.U.L. was fun, I'm going home for Thanksgiving now and I still don't know what to do with my life. Oh, and I may not do long-term volunteering now.

Senior year really isn't turning out the way I expected it to. I see my roommates less than I did when we didn't live together, and things aren't going all that smoothly with that; I STILL haven't gone to the apple orchard , but my friends have gone without me; I feel 10x busier even though I don't think my responsibilities have changed too much; I'm always tired and cranky, but I can't imagine giving up anything; oh, and I spend probably around 40% of my nights alone in the village. I miss random adventures with my friends. I miss staying up late talking about anything and everything. I miss watching FRIENDS for hours on end.

We were going to have a girls night the first week back, and that still hasn't happened. We haven't had any random dance parties (unless you count the night Molly and I did aerobics in the living room while watching Richard Simmons on YouTube). We haven't gone to Perkins once. We have gone to Ground Round, but only so everyone else could drink. My roommates spend their weekends either with their boyfriends or at the bars... and when it's not one of those, they're too tired to do anything.

I'm sick of my classes and really don't think I'm getting much out of them anymore. I'm bored with having so many journalism/PR classes, especially now that I know I don't want to write for a newspaper (and I'm not a PR major anyway). I don't like sitting still and listening to someone talk at me. I participate in discussions, but only because I know the answers and it keeps me a little more focused.

I miss my family. A lot. Phone calls aren't the same though.

Maybe things will be better next semester when I don't have my internship and will have no more than one class on Fridays. As long as I can do Photo Digital Imaging as an independent study so I don't have to take Case Studies in PR...

October break - S.O.U.L.

I'm trying to convince myself that going on this S.O.U.L. trip is the best thing for me. In almost any situation, this would be easy. However, I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately, and I haven't been sleeping well, and a break would be really nice right about now.

If I were all packed I'd go to sleep now. It's hard to fit everything I'm going to need between now and Tuesday (which is quite a bit considering we're camping out and it's supposed to snow) into a duffle bag and a backpack... especially when all I want to do is sleep.

Meanwhile, I spent yet another night alone in 212. It's getting to be a little ridiculous that I saw my current roommates more last year when I didn't live with them than I do now.

Now I'm just getting cranky. I need to finish packing. (We leave at 8am tomorrow.)

My faith has always been an important part of my life, but in the last couple months it has really become my main focus. I like that. :)

The busier I am, the less time I have to think about things I really don't want to think about. If I elaborate, I'll be thinking about those things, so I won't.

Last year, editing the first issue of the Cardinal took forever. We only had 12 pages because we didn't have enough stories, and we were in the office until 4am on the Tuesday of editing weekend. This year, we have to hold a few stories for next month, we can't use many photos, we have the full 16 pages, and we were out of the office by 10 tonight. We started printing pages yesterday, and all I need to do is add 3 photos and go over it with Bob before sending it off to the Post. :)

I have to research and write a position paper tomorrow because of how crazy this weekend was. That's not going to be fun.

I decided I'm going to run the Stillwater Marathon on May 30. I figure I'll probably end up wanting to run another marathon, so I think I'll save Grandma's Marathon for next year. Stillwater is smaller and closer to home, and it looks like Grandma's is the same weekend as Miss Minnesota, and I want to be able to go cheer on Molly!

So that means I have 249 days to prepare! Yay for goals :)

Colds, races, and editing

My immune system always seems to fail me at the worst possible times. I woke up Thursday with a cold, couldn't sleep at all Thursday night, and felt 10 times worse on Friday. It's an editing weekend for the Cardinal - the first editing weekend of the year. It's also the weekend we went to Walker for Molly's marathon and my 10k.

The races went well. I finished in 53:27, which beats my other 10k time by at least 2 minutes. I placed 41st out of 267 runners and 1st in my age group, so I even got a medal! That was pretty exciting. I also ran a little over 7 miles with Molly during her marathon, which was actually a lot of fun. It was slower though, so that was pretty tough on my knees, ankles, and hips.

Molly did well. She finished in 5 hours and 27 minutes and was 1st in her age group.

The Cardinal's looking good so far! I'm lucky to have such great, dedicated editors this year. We have two pages completely done already! I'm at work now, and then I'll go to church, but after that I'll go back to the Cardinal office to work on it some more. I think we're actually ahead of schedule from last year, which is really exciting! We still have tomorrow and Tuesday to get the layout done and finish making edits.

I actually think my cold has just about run its course already. I slept almost the entire 6 hour drive up to Walker Friday night and then went to bed around 10. I felt good running yesterday and got a lot of fresh air, and then I went to bed before 10. I also slept a good chunk of the 6 hour drive back today. Now I just have an annoying cough and a sick-sounding voice. I hope I can get enough sleep tonight and feel well-rested enough to get through editing.

If I were to think about characteristics that would make a person a hero, I think one of those characteristics would be that he or she wouldn't use struggles, bad days, or obstacles as an excuse to not work as hard, try as hard, believe as hard. I would expect a hero to push right through without complaining or even mentioning those things that make the task harder. There's something really unsettling about someone who can only do great things in the right conditions and lets the struggles beat him or her down. There are no excuses. Sure, people will understand if you aren't feeling well or if things aren't going well for you, but what makes you truly admirable is the ability to keep going strong despite those obstacles.

There's nothing special about a flashlight in the middle of a sunny day. If that flashlight burns out the moment it gets dark out, it's useless.

I have finally figured out time management! I managed to take on even more activities/responsibilities this year, yet I still don't feel overwhelmed, and I'm keeping up with readings and class work better than ever. I have a tiny bit of catch-up reading to do for Contemporary Issues in Media Communication, but I'm keeping up for the most part, have some time to catch up this weekend, and I'm at least getting a bit of a head start on my term paper for that class (I'm planning on using a topic similar to what I use for my position paper in PR Writing).

I really should have finished my story for the Cardinal tonight, but I got a good start on it and have some time tomorrow to finish in time for the deadline.

Speaking of the Cardinal, tomorrow's the first deadline. We moved deadlines up to Wednesdays this year, and section editors will send stories with their edits in by Thursday. I've already gone in and set up the layout in Quark, and I looked up all of the scores for the scoreboard in the sports section. One of the copy editors is a graphic design major, and we have one or two other computer-savvy people willing to help with the layout. That should save a lot of time when we're editing stories. I'm meeting with the managing editor and copy editors tomorrow to go through this weekend, and I'm going to ask Travis to get the ads done tomorrow or Thursday. The only things that should slow us down will be that I don't quite remember all the guidelines and nobody else knows them (I doubt this will be a big issue), and very few of our staff writers have any experience writing in AP style. I'm still really confident in this issue though, and we at least have good, dedicated photographers!

Overall, I feel very accomplished today. I even sent emails to try to arrange my October and November volunteer opportunities. I refuse to slack off with Mentors this year. I refuse to slack off with anything, really. I love this school, and I don't want to let any part of it down. This is my last year to soak in all things SMU, and I intend to get it right.

So far, so good.