sharing

So, I created this blog last week, but I haven't written a thing in it yet. I always get really excited for new projects like this, but at the same time I can't help but hesitate. I'm such a perfectionist that I tell myself it has to be perfect to be worth it. Sometimes that mentality does me a lot of good. Other times it's a little bit ridiculous.

Postponing my first entry in a blog nobody even knows about until I have the perfect thing to write about is ridiculous.

I love to write, but there are many times when I just don't have anything to write about. I always manage to have something to babble about on my livejournal, and I always seem to have something to say when I'm with my friends or family, but sometimes I just wish I had something of more substance to write about. Sometimes I just wish I could organize my thoughts better so that when I do have something worth saying it would come across as worthwhile. Unfortunately, when you're an 18 year old in your first year of college, the whole 'organized thoughts' idea doesn't really seem to work out all that often.

I'm not saying that I'm some confused kid who doesn't know what I'm talking about. I definitely have valid ideas. The problem is with my more complex thoughts. Thoughts about the world and how it works, or about the meaning of family or importance of friends. Sometimes I feel like I've decided on something completely worth sharing with the world....but it just doesn't come out quite right.

I have this strong desire to make a difference with my words. I hear these great speakers and read these great novels and it seems so easy. Just sit down at your somputer or stand up with a microphone and inspire the world. No sweat. It's not so easy. But I guess that's what makes it so beautiful. What would be the unique value of such individuals if everyone else could accomplish the same feat?

I am only one person. One student. One daughter. I listen, I read, and I think. I don't have any great revelations about the meaning of life. I don't have any brilliant solutions for how to make the world a better place. All I have are my thoughts, jumbled and disorderly.....and this blog. So I'm not going to try to inspire anyone. I'm not going to consciously try to make an impact.

One important lesson I learned way back in preschool is that it's important to share. Sharing can make someone else happy. Sharing can bring us together. Sharing can, although it doesn't always, make a difference. So I'm going to share my most valued possession- my thoughts.