Sunday, February 3, 2008

make new friends, but keep the old

One of the scariest things about graduation was the thought of being apart from my friends. We got to be so close...especially during senior year, and I feel like I've known them forever. I couldn't imagine my life without them, and I was worried about keeping in touch.

It's been 8 months since graduation, and a little over 5 months since we all went our separate ways for college. I've gone weeks without even texting my best friend, and I've gone even longer without talking to the others. I instant messaged one of them today and realized how far apart we all really are. I realized how hard it's gotten to keep in touch. Jenny never really gets to go home because she's playing DI basketball, and although I'm so proud of her and happy for her, I really miss seeing her. I've seen her twice since coming to school, and I'll be lucky if I see her at all Easter weekend. The worst thing is that she doesn't even get much of a summer vacation because of basketball. I talk to Bre every 3 or 4 weeks, and I've seen her a few times...but that's still not nearly enough.

Being away from Steph is the worst. We used to talk every single day. We saw each other at school, sometimes at work, when we hung out, and we'd talk on the phone almost every night for hours. Now we text each other once every week or so. If we're lucky we talk on the phone, but there are many more times when we miss each other or are too busy to talk for long. I see her the most when I'm home, since she goes to St. Thomas, but that's still sooo much less than how much I saw her a year ago.

I didn't think it would be this easy to fall apart. I've barely even talked to my other friends. A facebook comment here, a random text there... I thought we'd write to each other more or call more. The hardest part is realizing that I could just as easily call or write to one of them as they could me. I've managed to find so many things to occupy myself with here that sometimes I forget to consider those options. When I do think of it I realize something else that needs to be done instead.

I love it here at SMU, and I love all the people I've met and the friends I've made. I love being in college and feeling independent and confident. I love really feeling like it's okay to think for myself and do what I want to do. As much as I loved high school, I think I love college ten times more.

But I miss my friends back home. I miss having classes with them and goofing off together. I miss going to games together and assuming that Friday night at 9pm we'd all be at Applebees. I miss taking advantage of our last year.

A friend of mine once told me that the worst part of college is that you're always missing someone. At home you miss your friends from school, and at school you miss your friends and family back home. I definitely agree.

I now have a new fear. I've changed a lot in the last 6 months, and none of those friends have been here as that's happened. I'm sure they've all changed just as much. I'm afraid we won't have as much in common when we see each other again over breaks and over the summer. I'm so afraid that we're going to lose some of our connection...that we're not going to be as close anymore.

I guess I just have to trust our friendship. I have to believe that when we said we'd be friends forever, no matter what, we really meant it.

No comments: