So, I realized today that most of what I've written in here has been about how much I've changed since high school and all that jazz... It's weird that I haven't had much else to say. I guess I save all of the boring, day-to-day thoughts for my livejournal (friends only, sorry ;)). I don't know...I guess I generally share my thoughts with people, so I don't really feel the need to write about them. This blog has so far just been a place for me to get rid of "excess" thoughts and ideas- things that just kind of float around in my head and distract me from more important things.

I have a lot of random thoughts that distract me from more important things, actually. Sometimes my thoughts change so frequently that I actually feel a little dizzy...I can't even keep up with them! I just like thinking. Maybe that's why I can walk for so long and not even realize it. I get lost in my thoughts, and before I know it, I've been walking for two hours and it's starting to get dark out. Now if only I could channel that distraction to allow me to run without realizing how long it's taking...

I guess I could write about being home. Not necessarily being home with old friends and seeing people from STA again, but actually being home. It's so weird now to have a whole house to hang out in, and to have a car and easy access to stores (and caribou!), and to have a curfew again, and to have to deal with my sister again. It's back to chores and sharing the tv. I can't just leave my laptop on (Kaja's paranoid of starting a fire and turns it off on me). I can't just walk over to my friend's place at 2 in the morning. Besides the car and access to stores, it's all very limiting. My first day back I went to a friend's house and asked my dad what my curfew was. He said, "just, you know, normal," and I had to point out that my normal was not quite what he had in mind. (Though the time he gave me was later than I expected him to say!)

It's also weird to be around so many people younger than 18 and older than 22 again! Kaja's 17, so not too young, but just hearing her issues and complaints makes me realize the difference. She worries about the most superficial things...and I know I used to too (and still do, though not as much)...but still. She never talks about politics or the elections. She never talks about books (though she doesn't really read, so that's no surprise). She doesn't talk about her future and her plans. Then there are my parents. They worry about such complex things...like bills and fixing the house and planting new grass. They never talk about any fun plans for the weekend. They never just ignore their responsibilities and take a break. I feel like I'm at a pretty perfect age. I can be serious (and finally be taken seriously by adults), but I can also be a little bit careless. My friends and I talk about such a wide variety of stuff...we always have something to say, and we can never get bored just talking. We talk about politics, religion, literature, magazines, shopping, guys, our futures, the weekend, food, tv, current events, music, facebook, potential careers, school, and makeup, among many, many other things. I absolutely love it. I'll gladly talk about almost anything...except maybe math or science.

Which, speaking of, I am almost done with. I just need one science with a lab and one math class, and I'll never have to take either again! That's a pretty great feeling. Especially with science. I just can't wrap my head around it quite as easily as other things. Math shouldn't be too bad. I need a lower level than I tested into for my minor. I just hope stats is more like geometry or analysis than algebra and calculus.

All my other thoughts have absolutely no connection to any of this, so I think I'm going to stop here...that way I'll have something to say next time (like having something to say is ever an issue, haha).

I went to Grand March yesterday...it was really weird to be back. I think that was my first time in the auditorium since senior awards day on the last day of school. It was weird to listen to TK announcing names and to see so many people from high school. The weirdest was sitting with a bunch of people from my class (most of them people i never really talked to). The whole thing felt a little surreal.

I am very glad to be done with high school. I'm glad to be done with all the drama and the shallow and insignificant worries. I used to think about the most pointless things and worry about things that really didn't matter. I don't know...I just feel so much more grown up now.

I also hung out with some of my high school friends last night. I was at least a little bit right with that fear I mentioned a few entires ago... we're all kind of growing apart. We're changing in different ways and I feel like we have less and less in common. We still have enough in common to hang out and talk and all that, but there's a definite difference. It's kind of sad.

There are still so many things I haven't been able to let go of. I had put all my high school awards and pictures and things away in a box, figuring they didn't define me anymore...then my parents got me furniture that included a lot of shelf space, so i pulled most of that stuff back out. It feels like a shame to hide away all my hard work. But looking at it all now, it's just kind of strange to me. It feels like it all belongs to a completely different person. That's not really me anymore. I'm no longer the volleyball captain MVP. I'm no longer the uber-competitive speech state finalist. I'm no longer the STA student of the month. I even have the little homecoming footballs. Basically, anything that won't fit in a scrapbook. Anyway, I'm not sure what my point was in all that. I just think it's weird that I'm so happy to move on in my life and let go of high school, but I still keep so many memories around from that time. I guess I'm not sure when I'm supposed to let go. I don't think I'm completely ready yet, but how long do I get?