It must be weird to be a parent. First you have a tiny baby that needs you for everything. You feed it, change it, clothe it, and protect it. You watch this baby grow until it can move around on its own and talk. Eventually this kid starts making decisions, though you still make the majority of the decisions for him/her. Then the kid starts thinking. You remember a time when the kid couldn't think, and suddenly the kid is thinking many things, and you don't always know what they are. Fast forward a lot and suddenly your kid is a young adult who can talk, think, rationalize, decide, and care for him/herself.

I find it kind of weird to have real conversations with my parents lately. I almost don't blame them for not treating me like an adult... considering they still vividly remember me as anything but an adult. Really, they don't even know how much I've changed since going off to college. They don't know how I think differently and choose differently and act differently. I said I almost don't blame them. I don't think they can get off not respecting me just because of who I used to be. Just because they remember a little girl throwing tantrums and making excuses doesn't mean that they can't respect the fact that I can now have a reasonable discussion and can make decisions for myself. Yes, I still have a lot of learning to do, but this isn't really an all-or-nothing thing. You can't hold me back as though I were a 12 year-old kid, and you can't just throw me out there as if I've been out in the real world for a good decade.

I sometimes wonder about how much truth is hidden in someone's words when they're "teasing" you. I'm sorry, but I don't think you should ever "tease" someone by saying you never thought they'd amount to anything. (and last I heard, kids should be reading more)

It's snowing out. It's such a pretty snow too.... like a perfect winter wonderland.

It's days like today that remind me why I'm ever excited to come home. I went to Caribou with Bre and Laura and then Target and Starbucks with Tori. (Yup, I had coffee twice. It was quite nice) It was nice to have some good chats with people I don't see very often. I really like the whole getting-coffee-and-catching-up thing. I'm always up for a good conversation, and it's always something new when it's with old friends. It's nice to know that even when we don't see each other or even talk to each other in over a month, it's still comfortable. There's no awkwardness or any need to rebuild trust and familiarity. I like it.

I'm so excited for the holiday season! I wish it would snow a little bit... just enough to set the mood (for now). I'm excited for lights and christmas music and movies and hot chocolate. I should make myself a good Christmas CD for the car.

I went for a run yesterday. It is not easy running outside in the cold. I might be able to run 5 miles on a treadmill with no problem, but I struggled with that 1 mile yesterday. I didn't even break a sweat; it was just hard to figure out breathing when the air is so thin. I was cold too... you'd think it'd be warmer to be moving around, but running creates an extra breeze that's really no fun. I'm still glad I did it though. I could've easily been really lazy over break and not worked out at all. I got a free week's membership at Fitness Crossroad for running the 5k, but I'm using that over Christmas break with Bre.

I think I'm going to write in this a lot more often now. I decided not to update my livejournal anymore... it's kind of pointless to update both. I really like getting my thoughts out too. It makes my brain feel less cluttered. It's like having a nice conversation, albeit a one-sided one. I guess I just have too much to say.

It still bothers me that I'm kind of trapped at home whenever I come back. It's so hard to have rules and responsibilities set by my parents when I'm so used to running my own life (for the most part) back in Winona. At school I only worry about things important to me. Not in a selfish way... I just don't generally have to do things for other people that I have no interest in. It's just a weird feeling to come back home and realize my parents have expectations for me. It's almost like I can't make my own plans or organize my own time because they'll always expect me to have a lot of time for random chores and "spending time with them," even though it's really not quality time. I'm sorry, but working across the yard from you where we can't even talk to each other does not count as bonding time to me. Anyway, this is why I don't think I'll stay at home after I graduate. My mom already has it all planned out for me: she thinks I'll graduate, move back home, get a job in the cities and do grad school close to home. Ok first of all, I was looking at grad schools for journalism and none of them were even in Minnesota. If I do go to grad school, I'd want to go to a really good one like Columbia or Stanford (assuming I got in). I would love to stay in the cities, and I'd be happy to visit my parents often. I'd still go to church at Holy Cross every Sunday... but I definitely need to move out of this house. It would be a total regression to live at home when I'm 21 and have had freedom at school.

None of this should really even be an issue yet anyway. For now I need to get through school and save my money! (which, of course, is the downside to the holidays. It's going to hurt to go Christmas shopping)

This Thanksgiving break has been a total bust. I should have gone on the service trip to New York. I miss my friends. There was no corn at dinner yesterday. Nobody else is home. People who are home don't have time to get together. I'm sick of being trapped in my house... no, I'm sick of being trapped in my parent's house. I don't even feel like this is home anymore. Thank goodness I'm graduating a year early... I'll get to move out for good sooner.

If there's a bright side, it's that I got my internship application for the Strib mailed out today, I got most of the editing for the Cardinal done, and I've gotten some homework done. At this rate, I'll be finishing the rest tonight. What a lame Friday night.

The only real meals I've had since I've been home were Thanksgiving dinner and this Polish food I don't even like the day I got home.

I'm homesick for SMU. At least more people will be home over winter break.

I also have a new pet peeve. I hate reminding people of plans to hang out. I hate it even more when those plans are subsequently canceled.

I hate when my mom says no to something and then doesn't even listen to what I have to say. As soon as I save up enough money to visit Italy I'm going alone. She's not really concerned about the fact that the whole family could go. Seriously, what would I really learn on a family vacation? The price for a 3 week study abroad in Italy is actually pretty reasonable if you notice everything that's included. I'm saving a year's worth of tuition for goodness sake! And I've always wanted to study abroad....and this is much cheaper than a whole semester would be.

I'm so grumpy right now. I need to get out of here!

I should not be blogging right now.

It's 2:30 in the morning, I have a Spanish paper to finish, and I'll need my energy tomorrow for cleaning, packing, staying awake in Spanish, and driving for 2 hours.

Oh well. I'll just drink a bunch of coffee or something.

I need a break from my Spanish paper. Ok so my whole night has basically been a break from it, I guess... but it takes twice as much thought and energy to write a paper (in another language) while watching One Tree Hill.... and then the Packers game with a friend.... and then John and Kate Plus 8... and then Cool Runnings... at least now Erin and I aren't distracting each other anymore.

I'll hit the page limit without a problem. That's usually my concern with Spanish papers. What bugs me this time, though, is that I hate my thesis. I loved my idea for the paper, but that's not exactly what I ended up writing about. It's just a first draft, but I'm still really disappointed that I couldn't make a thesis work with my basic idea.

It's impossible to finish writing a paper when you know that once you're done you won't have to work on anything else. I can relax once I finish the paper, and I'm almost done with the paper, so I really want to relax right now.

At least my first class shouldn't take the whole time tomorrow. We'll have class time to work on a writing assignment, and mine is done. I won't sleep tonight until my paper is done, so tomorrow all of my time between classes will go to cleaning and packing. I already did the hardest part... picked out most of the clothes to take home. My goal is to have my car packed before Spanish so I won't even have to come back to my room before leaving. I'm not really helping matters right now, but I just need to get the distractions out of my head. I filled my tank today (for only $16!!), so I shouldn't have to stop at all.

I'm so ready for this break. I'm so excited for Thanksgiving! It was so hard to miss it last year. The trip to Biloxi as a whole was amazing. It was fun and rewarding and eye-opening.... but Thanksgiving Day was a bust. I was so homesick I slept almost the entire day.

Thanksgiving is definitely my favorite holiday. 4th of July and Easter come close behind, but Thanksgiving has the top spot for sure. (I like the overall Christmas season, but Christmas Eve itself is too stressful) I love how laid-back Thanksgiving is. You get the 3 F's... Family, Food, and Football. Everyone's comfortable and happy and there's nothing commercial about it. It's all about spending time with the family. (Similar reasons put 4th of July up in my top 3... along with playing volleyball all day. Easter's in there mostly because of Easter soup.)

I can't wait until Thursday! And I can't wait to see my cousin's new baby!

I can't wait for a break from classes and some real food. I can't wait for a decent bed and pillows with some fluff left in them. I can't wait to see the new kitchen and have my room to myself for a while. I can't wait to see my family and friends. I can't wait to sit with my family at church. I'm just too excited!

And that doesn't help me finish this paper either.

Today has been a very productive Saturday so far. I coached Molly's basketball team since she's in New York, went to brunch, and volunteered at a nursing home. I still have to clean, do laundry, and do homework.

Being at the nursing home made me realize that I'm not taking advantage of everything I can do as long as I'm young enough. One day I might not be able to move around so easily, and I don't want to end up regretting never having the chance. I feel like I already do quite a bit to make the most of my life, but there's still so much more I can do. I don't want to miss my chance to really live.

Anyway. I got my mile and a half down to 10:30 last week! I'm not exactly sure how I managed it... I think I was just having a really good day.

I've been managing my time a lot better lately. I have 5 or 6 papers/writing assignments due before Thanksgiving, but I only have 2 more to do. I turned in a paper that could be turned in Friday on Monday. I've spent many hours in the library. (I found a way to not get distracted or fall asleep!) I feel like I can handle my work-load better now, which is good since it'll be worse next semester.

I had my tightest deadline at work so far last night. I covered the hockey game, and it went into overtime. It didn't end until about 9:30. Then I had to interview the coach, drive to work, and write a story by my 11:00 deadline. Luckily it was a great game to write about. It was an overtime victory (6-5) and the first win of the season (after losing 6).

I'm excited for Thanksgiving!! I just have to make it through 5 classes and then I get to go home!

I always liked the quote, "Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."

Then I learned that not everyone is entitled to the moon.