Today is Study Day..

I'm at work for the last time. :( I'm going to miss the Daily.

I hope we get out early tonight though. I'm on until 11, and then I'm driving back home. I was originally going to drive back tomorrow morning, but that would mean somehow waking up early (my phone is still broken, I have no alarm clock, and now I can't get the sound on my laptop to turn back on), packing up my car (which took a loooong time), and driving for 2 hours. Then I'd drive right back tomorrow night. This way I can wake up at home, unpack my car, and study all day before getting a new phone, going to Festival of Nations for a little bit, and coming back to Winona.

-I'm really excited to get a new phone!-

I'm so tired. I should really start going to bed sooner. My mattress at school is so bad though that I just don't sleep well, and I think a part of me just tries to avoid it. At least I got my packing almost completely out of the way. Tomorrow I'll study for Philosophy of Person, and then Saturday and Sunday will be devoted to studying for my other three finals. My PR final is terms only, which will be easy enough... especially since so many of those are the same as the terms I had to learn for Reporting II and Media Law last semester. I'm not too worried about Environmental Biology either, as long as I look over my notes a few times. Stats is going to be tougher. I should at least organize my notes for that a bit tomorrow. I didn't do so well on the last test, so I really need to do well on the final.

I shouldn't have to be stressing over Stats. I'd be fine if I had kept up this semester. The actual concepts are easy... I just should have been practicing problems and doing assignments. It's been really hard to try to motivate myself in that class. Lectures were dull and too slow for me (my fault I guess for taking a lower level than I tested into), and I never put much priority on homework for that class. I definitely regret that. I actually did really well with that for the first 2 tests, but then I fell behind and never caught up.

At least I don't have any papers or projects to worry about, besides my final art project. I should really figure out what exactly I need to do for that... It should be less involved than the self-portrait.

I'm actually really happy with how the self-portrait turned out. I was so unhappy when he announced that project, but it was by far my favorite one to work on. I wish I hadn't had to rush so much at the end, but it turned out ok. I might do another one this summer... I still have supplies left over.

Work is sloooow today. We already sent in the city roundup though, and a good chunk of the area stuff has come in, so hopefully we'll be done early..? We'll see...

What's the square root of 798? I'll never have to know :)

I'm almost done! Today I survived my last ever math class and last ever lab! It was so hard to sit through a two-hour lecture (in lab), but I will never have to worry about it again! Tomorrow I have a bio lecture and then art class, where we're just working on final projects. That's it. Then I have to finish my final project and get through four finals and I'm done. It's weird to be at this point in the year already... especially to be at this point in the year and not have any papers to write or assignments to finish (besides my self-portrait for art). I'll have a chunk of time tomorrow too since PR is optional (and I'm not going). I guess I have some paperwork to get done too, but that's nothing major.

I think I'm going to start packing after work tonight...

I promise I wasn't daydreaming in class (too much)

You know what I really don't understand about some girls? They rely completely on guys to validate their self-worth. They refuse to accept any compliments from friends or family, but the minute a guy tells them they're pretty they start to feel better about themselves. They don't even consider how many guys out there will say anything to get what they want, and then they end up hurt. Then they have an even lowered sense of self-worth. It's a vicious cycle, and it totally baffles me that some girls will fall victim to it over and over again.

I'm not saying that every guy out there giving a compliment is full of b.s., and I'm not saying that the compliments aren't at least based in truth. I just can't stand the thought of girls basing their sense of personal value on what guys tell them. Honestly, I don't think they need to look for compliments from anyone. (Obviously friends and family will be more likely to offer them anyway.) I wish more girls out there would just learn to love themselves (cheesy, I know) and learn to be happy with who they are. They should be proud of the people they are becoming, and they shouldn't be putting themselves on hold in order to let a guy run their self-perceptions.

self-portrait

I love it when life makes connections for you. If you're doing a lot of personal reflection and thinking about your identity, your art teacher will assign a self-portrait. If you're thinking about some sort of long-term volunteering, they sing the St. Francis of Assisi prayer song at church.

I think I actually groaned when Professor McColl said we were doing a self-portrait project, but it's actually turning out to be my favorite thing we've done so far. I'm even happy with how I drew it... including my ear and nose. I really like dividing the entire thing into 1-inch squares and really focusing on each one. I like using magazines for some of the squares and finding things that either match practically or metaphorically. I like really analyzing this different side of myself. I've been analyzing my personality, motivations, goals, and character. I've analyzed my appearance. I've never really analyzed my face this way. I've never focused on the shapes and lines and how unique and complex they are while somehow still being simple. It's a fun project.

I love when I go through little spurts of time where it seems like I'm doing nothing but noting my personal growth. It feels really good to realize that I've gotten even more confident and that I really am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. It feels great to push myself and realize that in just over a year, I have gone from struggling to get through 1 mile on a level surface to making it through 7 miles, mostly against the wind and at least halfway uphill. There's such a great sense of accomplishment there. It's amazing to see how much more self control I have, and it's reassuring to see how level-headed I can be. Situations that would mean definite and immediate drama not too long ago are totally manageable, albeit a little frustrating, now. I love that I no longer feel the need to validate my worth. I don't need to worry about making others like me. I don't need to change to what others want. I just needed to realize who I wanted to be, become that person, and find that as long as I'm happy with that, that's all that matters.

For once in my life, I feel totally in control, and all it took was giving up some control. I'm learning from my mistakes and having so much fun. I can't believe I was ever apprehensive about college. I wouldn't trade this time for anything else in the world.

I changed my mind again. Surprise, surprise. I don't think I want to go to law school anymore. I still don't want to be a journalist.

Honestly, I have no idea what I want to do. The difference now is that I'm not really freaking out about it. I'm not going to force myself to figure it all out and come up with a plan. I'm always so preoccupied with my plan and my future, and I won't be happy if I force myself into anything. I can be enthusiastic about just about anything for at least a while. I need to just see what I actually can be excited about for the rest of my life.

The rest of my life is a really long time (hopefully). Soooo.... I'm thinking about long-term volunteering or the Peace Corps again. Someone actually suggested I consider the Peace Corps the other day... I'm going to look into it again.

Either way, I'm not going to worry about it right now. I'm not changing my major, so I have some time to see what happens.

I'm in a great mood. :) The last issue of the Cardinal is done and will come out Friday. I'm excited for it; it'll be a good issue.

I ran 7 miles today! Most of it uphill and against the wind. My ankle's pretty sore right now, but it's totally worth it. That felt amazing.

I'm so loving life right now :):)

I went on the most amazing run today. It felt great to keep running even though I was running against the wind and uphill most of the way. I really cleared my head too. It was awesome. :)

My friends are really happy right now, and things seem to be going right for them.

Therefore, I am a happy person. :)

I get by with a little help from my friends

I really have the greatest friends. They won't let me get away with anything stupid, and I know I can trust them to be honest with me. I'm really lucky to have them, and I know they'll be VIP's in my life for a very long time.

In other news, I've gone through a whole rotation of emotions in the last 26 hours or so. I seriously think I've gone through at least 80% of the emotions I've ever experienced. It's been an intense week so far.

Things are looking up right now though. :)

I'm just glad spring break is almost here. I can't believe how close we're getting to the end of the year!