SMU countdown: 8 weeks

I can't take this anymore! I'm so sick of being told that my feelings don't matter! I can't control them, and I think I have every right to feel how I feel. I'm usually really good at keeping that to myself, but when I'm trapped without some kind of outlet (running, for instance), I'm prone to moodiness and frustration before finally snapping and saying something. Really, I should be able to say something. What makes anyone think it's ok to tell someone they can't feel a certain way? How can I "not have a right" to miss my friends or running? I'm stuck in an office all day and spend more time than I probably should daydreaming about what I'd be doing if I were outside, and then I come home and have to follow someone else's schedule. I'm not complaining about doing it; I know I promised to help. I'm just not used to being confined to someone else's priorities anymore.

I have been helping though, and it really upsets me that I'm constantly being criticized for not doing as much as others. I don't have as much time as others, since I get home from work around 5:30. It's really hard to get motivated to get going after sitting at a desk for 8 hours (I don't even take a lunch break lately; I just eat at my desk and keep working). Nobody said I had to be cheerful about it. Why should it matter as long as the work gets done? I have been working. I've been doing what's been asked of me, and I don't think it's fair to be constantly harped on for that.

I'm so frustrated right now. I feel smothered. I can't even have an opinion in this house! I'm stuck doing what everyone tells me to do (including my little sister, which has gotten far beyond annoying). I miss being at school and setting my own priorities and following my own schedule and eating what I want, when I want (instead of waiting until 9:20pm).

For those who like to read my blog and tell my dad about it so he can tell me what not to write in my own blog (which really makes me mad), please understand that I still love my family very much and simply need a way to vent my feelings since I can't leave the house, anyone I would talk to about it is asleep, and screaming would only get me in more trouble.