My advisor told me I should cut back on activities. I bet he wouldn't believe that I've thought about it many times this year. I just don't have a solution yet.

I can't quit senate because I'm the VP for academic affairs and represent the student body on two university committees. I can't quit volunteer mentors because volunteering is very important to me, it's not that much of a time committment, and it would be downright unacceptable. I can't quit SAC because I'm a publicity chair, it's only 2 hours out of my week (formally at least), it was my favorite activity the last two years, and I wouldn't hear the end of it. I can't quit the Cardinal because I'm editor in chief. FAC seems to have disappeared, so that's not a problem. I'm co-leading TEC, and that'll be done early next semester anyway. TRBD shouldn't take up too much time, and it's really important to me. Discernment group only meets for 1 hour every other week, and it has helped me out a lot so far. I can't quit my jobs because I need money. I refuse to quit lacrosse.

I've had a handful of people practically attacking me about quitting lacrosse. Their arguments make sense from their points of view. I just started it this year. It takes up quite a bit of time. It'll take up more time in the spring with games and tournaments. There are enough girls on the team, so they don't need me. On paper, they make valid points. However, nothing in real life is the same as it is "on paper." I LOVE being a part of a team again. It's so much different than being part of a regular club. I love competing. I love not being in charge. I love being agressive and trying new things. I love the girls I've met by playing. I already signed the roster and bought my skirt. I've been to the practices and have already put in a lot of time. The team is counting on me (along with all the girls on the roster). I feel like I've been improving a lot and could really contribute to the team. It's the perfect happy medium between a varsity sport and intramurals. It's competitive. I'm part of a team with a Saint Mary's identity. We get to travel and play other schools (including St. Thomas, so my parents can come watch!). It's not an all-encompassing time committment, so I don't have to quit my other activities. I refuse to quit lacrosse. It is not an option.

Next semester will be better anyway. I won't have my internship, my classes should mostly be less time-consuming, and I won't have classes Fridays (though I'll probably have to get another job). I'll also have 4 hours between classes on Mondays and Wednesdays.

I've realized that my most frustrating and time/thought-consuming activity is the Cardinal. I remember thinking freshman year that I never wanted to be editor in chief. Then I was copy editor last year, which surprisingly was a huge time committment and included pretty much everything the editor in chief does, but with less say about how things went. I really disagreed with last year's editor in chief and knew I could do a better job. Basically, I'm going crazy this year because I let my pride get the better of me.

Don't get me wrong, I love editing the Cardinal. I love keeping things organized and having so much say in what stories we cover/run. I love having the final word and standing up to the advisor when he wants to make changes based on his position at the university (he's basically in charge of public relations). I love seeing each finished issue and knowing that my insanity paid off. I just don't know if it's really all that worth it. It's so mentally draining, and I find myself struggling to keep up with emails I receive, emails I have to send out, stories, problems, reporters, editors, and schedules. I'm not looking forward to dealing with this last issue of the semester. Everything is in total chaos right now because a) I was sick the day of the staff meeting, and b) our feature flopped. Oh, and c) Thanksgiving break was smack dab between meeting and deadline. Stories are due Wednesday. Joy. I don't even get a chance to catch up until Christmas break.

Then there are classes and coaching speech at Cotter. Oh, and I'm reading at the Christmas light service, and it's GO time for TEC. I need to put together a new brochure for that once I get back to campus but I feel like I have no time.

I don't have the mental capacity for all of this. My mind is on 23895609237 more things, and I'm not getting nearly enough sleep lately. I don't even remember the point of this blog entry.

I need a break.