To volunteer, or not to volunteer... ?

I am 100% sure that I am going to be a high school English teacher. I realize now that it's the only thing that really makes sense. Sure, there are other things I can still do, but nothing else would capture all my talents and passions quite like teaching would. It's my calling; I'm sure of it.

So the long term plan is figured out. I also know I want to do my MA in Instruction at Saint Mary's. I know I want to do it in Winona rather than in the Twin Cities too.

What I don't know yet is whether or not to volunteer first.

I had it all figured out. I was going to volunteer for a year, then get my Master's, and then teach. Now I'm not so sure. I've been going back and forth about long-term volunteering for two years now, and that uncertainty alone makes me feel uneasy about the committment.

I love volunteering, and I would love to go back to the Gulf Coast after my experience in Biloxi freshman year. I love the idea of helping people and focusing completely on service, and I feel... well, I feel like I'm the "type" of person that would do it. I also wonder if I will regret not doing it if I choose to go right to grad school.

I don't like having a 24/7 schedule for my life, and I worry a lot about living in community. I definitely need my own space, and I need to be able to dictate my life at least a little bit. Living in community might teach me to give up some control and to be more open to others, but I really fear that it will keep me from putting my whole heart into the experience. I don't like the idea of only being home for Christmas and Easter (especially if it will be at my own expense). I hate the idea of being away from my family and potentially not having a lot of time to talk to them. I don't like that I would miss out on dancing with my group in Poland next summer, but I feel like that might sound like a stupid reason to be apprehensive (even though my dance group is like my family... and a good chunk actually is my family... and I have been looking forward to this since I was 10).

I almost wonder if I was only considering volunteering so strongly to get me thinking in a way that would lead me to realize I need to be a teacher. Besides, as a teacher I could volunteer for a few weeks over the summer (a la Volunteer Services/S.O.U.L. trip)... I feel like I would be more comfortable with that kind of committment. I also wonder if I am just getting too excited about teaching and am therefore looking for reasons to not volunteer. I really don't think that's it though.

I'm really not sure about long-term volunteering anymore. I've never been 100% sure. It's been one of those things I get excited about and then get bored with (like every other potential career I considered before acknowledging how much I want to be a teacher). I feel bad though. I feel like the very fact that I ever considered long-term volunteering means that I have to... like I'll be a bad person now if I don't. Well, maybe not a bad person, but I guess I'd feel selfish? I don't know...

Either way, I'm running out of time to figure it out.