Philosophy, biology, and my friends, continued + work

The other day in biology we watched a documentary on Africa. I was actually very surprised by it. Apparently cows are taking over and ruining agricultural land, and they're causing problems for native species. Hunger and famine problems have more to do with overpopulation and poor use of land and resources than with drought and the conditions people have lived through for so long. Foreign aid goes to things like giving people a certain amount of food rather than educating them about birth control and more productive use of land. I don't know... something about that video really got me thinking.

As for my friends... I absolutely love them. Tuesday was Molly's 21st birthday, and she was hilarious. Beth and I were supposed to pick everyone up from the bars, and she volunteered to drive because she likes driving and hasn't driven much lately. I'm not the biggest fan of driving, for the most part at least, so I didn't argue it. Long story short, we got pulled over. I know it was a little embarassing for Beth, but she got off with a warning, so now it's just a funny little story. (It's hard to remember that the speed limit changes from 45 to 30 on the bridge after the river road.)

I've also realized lately just how well my friends know me. They know how to put up with my mini-rants, and they know not to argue back when I'm annoyed with them for little things. They know I'll let it be and will be laughing again within a few minutes.

Work today wasn't bad. I really like work when we don't have a ton of phone calls and get to chat. I like my co-workers, and there's always an interesting conversation at some point. Taking calls isn't bad either, as long as I can hear the coach... and as long as it's not WSHS girls' hockey... someone from the team generally calls those in, and they never seem to have all the information.

My boss has been telling me I should change my major. It's hard to look forward to your future when your editor is telling you to get out of journalism and do business or something. I think it's a little late for that, what with graduation being just over a year away. I'll just have to seriously try to figure out grad school possibilities.

On a brighter, random note, I had no classes today! That was really nice. I also get to coach high school speech this year, which is a lot of fun so far.

I think I should get some sleep... I'm working out with Lily at 11 tomorrow...

Philosophy, biology, and my friends

I often find myself planning out blog entries in my mind throughout the day, and it's really frustrating when I don't have a chance to actually write them. Yesterday I had three things I wanted to write about, but I had to go to meetings, coach, edit the paper, and go to Molly's birthday dinner. I don't even think I was in my room for more than a couple minutes.

We watched a documentary on Neitzsche in Philosophy of Person yesterday. I decided that it's more than a little odd that we actually take his theories and ideas about human nature as seriously as we do. The guy lived a depressing, physically painful, isolated life. He lost his dad and brother at an early age, was sick most of his life, and didn't really talk to other people. What could he know about human nature? His view would obviously be very heavily influenced by his own experiences, and those experiences are by no means typical of humans. How many people go live in the mountains alone? It just really doesn't make sense to me.

See, here's where I really hate not having time to blog when I want to. Now I have time, but I don't feel like typing the rest. I'll finish later.

I'm not sure why, but this year I've been catching bad colds for like one or two days and then feeling better. I swear I had a fever yesterday, though I felt a little better after taking a nap. Today I feel fine, besides a few sniffles and sneezes.

So my boss gave me Thursday night off, so that day got even better. I got to go to my intramural volleyball game, and it was soooo much fun! My gosh I miss volleyball hard core! We won, and then we stayed and played 5-on-5 for over an hour. It was awesome.

I was sick by Friday, which was not fun. I had to cover the women's hockey game too. By the third period, I was so cold I felt nauseous... (how do you spell that?!) Anyway, I got to type my story from here and email it in, so I still got to hang out after. (I know I probably should've stayed in and gone to bed early, but I'm so glad I didn't!) We kidnapped Lily! We all dressed in black and went over to her place. Then we tied her up, blindfolded her, and took her to Molly's car. We drove around for a little bit, stopped at Wal Mart (Molly and Beth ran in for supplies while Kelli and I waited in the car with Lily). Then we drove back to Kelli, Molly, and Beth's place and had ice cream and girl talk time! It was fun.

Yesterday I edited the Cardinal for about 5 hours... mostly alone. I would have stayed longer, but I thought my head was going to explode, so I went back to my room to sleep before work. I didn't even go to dinner. Work was pretty slow, but I tried to be as productive as possible. After work I went to Kelli and Molly's to give Brittney her birthday present because she was going to be there, but she had already left. Had I known, I probably would have gone back to my room. Instead, we talked for a long time and I slept over there again. I felt better this morning though.

Today was spent editing and working Casino Night. I won a new digital camera! It's soooo much better than my old one! It's smaller but has a bigger screen, it comes with a rechargeable lithium battery, is 10.3 megapixels (my old one is 6.0), and it's so much faster at taking pictures! I've been secretly wanting to save up for a new camera, but I figured it wasn't practical considering other things I need to save up for and the fact that I already had a camera. I'm very excited though. :) Now Kaja can have my old camera, which is nice for her because she's been wanting her own and used her money on her video camera.

I guess if you cut out feeling incredibly sick half the time, it was an overall good weekend!

Today is shaping up to be a pretty great day! I woke up to the smell of freshly-made coffee (gotta love auto-programming) and got ready in enough time to go to breakfast, where there was French toast!! (They haven't had French toast for dinner yet this year, so today was my first time having it since last year.) My first class was in the library today. The librarian showed us some books and search engines that will be helpful with our research projects, and then our groups all got together to research or discuss. My group divided up the research (already one of the most efficient groups I've ever been in!), and then I searched for about half an hour until I had to go to Stats. Two minutes into class time, a professor came in and announced that our professor is out for the day and that there is no assignment. Now I have a little over an hour before Nutrition, which is my only other class for the day.

The rest of the day shouldn't be too bad either. After lunch all I have is my SAC office hour, a meeting at 3 Cotter High for coaching speech, working out at some point, and work from 8 or 9 until 11ish. That gives me a lot of extra time for some cleaning, working on my stories for the Cardinal, and possibly going ice skating with Molly and Jody! I don't even have any homework to worry about.

I love when life gives you a break like this. :)

My thoughts aren't really going in order right now, so bear with me

What I thought would be a killer semester has quickly become the most boring, relaxing time I've had in a while. It's nice, but I can't help but feel like I'm forgetting something or wasting time. Things will pick up though.

I think the weirdest change is that I don't have to really do much of anything for my classes. The reading is pretty minimal, and I think I'll only have one paper and one group project overall. I'm also starting to see why I tested into a tougher level of math. I kind of feel guilty for not challenging myself more, but it's not like I'm not learning anything. It's just not requiring a lot of time and effort.

I'll still have a busy weekend each month for editing the paper (this weekend, whoop), and I'm coaching Cotter speech. Meets start in less than a month, so the team's already behind. I'm finally actually meeting with the other coaches on Thursday.

The benefit dance is in March, and as co-chair, I'm sure I'll have a lot to do for that. Publicity for SAC should just feel less overwhelming. Volunteering is going smoothly, and intramural volleyball isn't a big time commitment. It's kind of nice to have a low-key semester.

I'm going to a newspaper convention later this month, and I'll be going to the capitol with Student Senate to lobby for state grant money? Something like that. I should have more time for working out too.

Today I went snowshoeing in the bluffs. It was pretty cool, but not really what I expected. I really want to try cross country skiing at some point too.

"If we’re really honest with ourselves, most of the times our plans don’t work out as we’d hoped. So instead of asking our young people: What are your plans? What do you want to do with your life? Maybe we should tell them this: plan to be surprised."- Dan in Real Life

I like this. It's true. Why make big plans way in advance if it's likely they won't turn out right?

What am I so afraid of? What do I think is going to happen that would be so terrible? Why am I still building walls and keeping people at arm's length? I've never trusted my friends and family so much and known I could depend on them for anything. I've never been more secure with myself. Why am I still holding back? Why am I still so worried I'm going to get hurt and be left alone? I know that my friends have my back. I know I can trust them with absolutely anything. I know they won't ditch out or stop caring. I know that I have a true support system. I should feel, more than ever before, like I can try almost anything without worrying that my world will crash down around me. I've been through enough experiences to know that I can make it through all kinds of emotional stress. I can get through almost anything and not be entirely worse for the wear. I've learned to find a lesson in each experience. Now I need to learn to take chances and create new experiences. I've been sticking too close to my comfort zone. I tend to stick with only those things that I can control. I need to put myself in situations where I don't have total control. I need to learn to roll with the punches and think on my feet. I need to learn to trust even more than I have. I need to know that I'll still be okay if I'm not in charge. I need to learn not to be so afraid of such stupid, simple things that really shouldn't be all that scary.

TGIF

Tonight was a really good night. Dolla Dance! I've never had so much fun at a dance before! It was definitely a lot of fun!

It's been cold enough to close Winona schools yesterday and today, so I've gotten both nights off work. That's been kind of nice.

Katie and Jess are both visiting for the weekend!!

I think this is going to be a really good weekend in general. :)

It is warmer in parts of Antarctica than it is here. Seriously, some parts of Antarctica are getting up to the upper 30s! That's just not right. :(

I don't really feel like sleeping. I should, but I don't want to. I didn't nap today. I was afraid I'd never leave my bed. I think after this I'll go read a bit.

I was never taken off the email list for the PR/Business Club, and since I have more time this semester, I think I'm going to start going to meetings again. It might not be a bad idea since I'm starting to think about doing something more business-related.

I had one of my little freak-outs today. I researched different careers that work well with a journalism major and then looked at the Peace Corps. Add that to other career searches, grad school searches, and other long-term volunteering programs, and I think I've covered any possible post-graduation plans. I still don't know what I'm going to do. I really wanted to go to the career fair, but I'll be in Indiana visiting Jenny then. I am probably going to go to a newspaper conference with the journalism professors and a few other journalism majors. That might be interesting.

I think I should start thinking about summer internships/jobs. I still haven't heard from the Pioneer Press. I know Nacel would take me back, but I want to see if I can find something different. I want all the experience I can get, and I think variety can be very helpful. That'll have to wait for my next freak-out though.

Meanwhile, I'm supposed to be enjoying my time in college. I'm supposed to enjoy not worrying and being crazy. I haven't been doing that enough lately.

Baby it's cold outside...

It is freezing. No, it's colder than freezing. Even in my classes I was cold. I kept my jacket on in stats and had to put my scarf back on a few minutes in... and I was still cold!

I'll still have to go outside when I go to work out, and then I'll come back here, and then I'll go to dinner. Yikes. At least the high schools postponed all of the games, so I get the night off work.

Katie's coming to visit tonight (for the whole weekend)!! I miss her already, and she hasn't even left for Ireland yet! :(

I don't know why I was so worried about this semester. It's actually turning out to be much easier than last semester. I don't have Grammar anymore (though really, that wouldn't have made anything harder), and I never really have homework in Art Foundations or Environmental Biology. Philosophy of Person and Principles of Public Relations are just readings and one project each. Stats isn't hard so far, and we get a lot of time to work in class. Nutrition is pass/no credit, lasts half the semester, has no homework or tests, and is really interesting. Once it's done I'll have Aerobics, but I'm actually really looking forward to that.

I think I might take a nap, as long as I have time to. :)

I don't hate science and math... at least not in general. I think I just let myself believe I do so that I don't feel the need to work as hard. Some math and science doesn't come easily to me, and I get frustrated, so I think I make myself feel better by saying that I hate it and/or am not good at it. I can be good at some math and science. If I apply myself, I'm sure I can do just fine. I'm even willing to bet that if I had had a more positive attitude about it, I could really enjoy it. I'm sure I'd still prefer more English/language/social studies related subjects more, but I may have limited myself with my bad attitude toward math and science in the past.

I need to be more confident about math and science. I know what I'm doing in the classes I'm in, but I find myself holding back simply because I know I'm out of my comfort zone. In lab today, I knew the answer to four questions but said nothing just in case I was getting things mixed up. Once I realized why I was holding back, I started participating in the discussion more, and I started to find it a lot more interesting. This is case in point why I can't hold back anytime I'm a little bit out of my comfort zone.

On a completely separate, random note, I think mocha M&Ms are my new favorite thing. :)

I tested out of Practical Grammar, so I'll now be done with classes by lunch on Mondays and Wednesdays. I never seriously considered testing out until at least three people asked why I didn't. My mom was actually upset I was taking the class. Today people were asking questions I've known the answers to since elementary school, so I decided to at least try. If I failed, I'd still have the easy class. Class ended at 2:30, and I had until 4:30 to drop the class, so I had to find the English department adviser, take the test, wait for her to grade it, take a paper to the registrar, and go online to drop the class within two hours. That was no problem. The test wasn't bad either, and I found two typos in it. The professor said I did better than anyone who's taken it before. You need 80/100 to pass, and I think I got a 93 or 95.

Yay for taking a chance, albeit one I was quite confident in.

"You don't go to college to meet your husband; you go to meet your bridesmaids."

I love my friends. All of them. I love my STA girls back home that I still talk to and hang out with, I love my Dolina girls, and I love my SMU family. I'm so lucky. I always have someone to talk to about any kind of problem, I always have someone to call up to hang out with, and I always have someone I can count on when someone else isn't really up for anything.

I love my family too. I really do have a lot of fun just hanging out with my sister, parents, grandma, cousins, aunts, and uncles. I've even gotten to the point in my life where I've chosen to hang out with family instead of friends. I must be growing up. :)

I'm very excited to go home tomorrow for the Dolina Christmas party! I'll bet it will be just as fun as it used to be when I was little and it was at Murzyn Hall, if not even better because I'm 19 now and won't get cranky and fall asleep before midnight. I'll get to talk to people I don't see nearly enough and polka! I don't even care that I'll be making the 2 hour drive twice in just over 24 hours. I think it'll be worth it. I would go home tonight, but I'm covering the hockey game and probably won't even get out of the office until after 11. That would get me home by like 1 am. ...Hmm.... If I'm not tired by 11 I could probably go tonight and just sleep longer tomorrow. I'm often up until 1 anyway. The only downsides would be that I'd have to be awake enough to be driving on what will likely be either an empty highway or one full of semis, and I wouldn't be able to see cops. I'll have to think about this. I'm so excited though!

I love that my next class is just downstairs. :)

I am so tired. Thank goodness I don't have class until 9:45 on Fridays. I get to start later and end earlier... what a great day! At least I'm done by 11:35 on Thursdays. It's okay that I start at 7:45 and go non-stop until lunch if that's it. Tuesdays will be another story. Dang labs. Oh well. I think I can be positive about it.

I really want to take a nap, but then I won't want to get up for the Cardinal meeting. I could nap after dinner so I'm not falling asleep at work, but I should really read for Principles of PR (my book came today). I WILL stay on top of my reading this semester. I refuse to let myself fall behind at all. (So why have I spent an hour on Facebook, and why am I on here now, if I know I have to read?)

I need to buy creamer so I can start making coffee in the morning. I did go to breakfast today. I didn't drink coffee there, but I ate fruit and a bagel. I really like going to breakfast, but I'd rather maximize on sleep and avoid walking across campus. Next year I'll have to keep more breakfast foods in the kitchen.

I hope the roads are okay on Saturday so I can go home for the Dolina Christmas party. I heard they're supposed to be bad tomorrow, but I can't leave then anyway because I have to cover a hockey game. I'd really like to leave Saturday morning, but even if I left in the afternoon I'd be fine. I'd have no problem taking a little extra time and driving slower, but my parents would of course flip out if I came while it was snowing. (Yes, I'm rolling my eyes right now.)

I suppose I should read some now. That way, I can possibly finish early enough to still get a short nap in before work?

I've had a lot on my mind lately...

My past is really important. I learned a lot of lessons, and it basically made me who I am now. That doesn't mean I should sit and dwell on it all the time. I do anyway. I'm not sure why. In high school I spent a lot of time thinking about middle school. Now I never think about middle school but find myself thinking about high school fairly often. I don't think about it in the same way though...

I used to think about high school in terms of what I missed and little things that would be worth going back for. Lately it's been the opposite. I think about why I shouldn't have liked it as much as I did. I think about how emotionally straining it was and how much drama there really was, even though I always thought I avoided the drama pretty well.

I think I got really stuck in high school and the hierarchy and the pressure to be someone I thought I needed to be rather than the person I was. I thought I was being myself, but in retrospect I realize just how much I was acting to please others or make myself feel better.

I've always worried way too much about things that don't end up mattering that much. I always think they're important, but then later I realize just how much I overreacted. I think too far ahead or worry about things that would work out just as well without freaking out. I'm going to try to learn from that and not worry so much anymore. I've already stopped worrying about guys and all that because I know there's nothing to worry about yet. I'm going to stop worrying about finding my dream job and just focus on getting through school and finding new experiences. I'll look into a career fair or two, but otherwise I'll keep my options open and not try to plan the future today. I won't overcommit myself, even if I want to be involved. I have so many interests that it's really not reasonable to expect to fit it all in. I'm going to keep the ones I have leadership roles in that I really enjoy, but I need some time for breathing too.

.........It would be nice to have time to breathe. So far this semester that hasn't been a problem. I really don't think my classes will cause me much stress, and I think as long as I keep up with the better study habits I finally started to pick up the end of last semester, I'll be fine.

I think it's about time I start switching some of my framed pictures to more recent ones.

...Ok, 7:45 philosophy class tomorrow... time to go to bed. :)

New semester, continued

I had the rest of my second semester classes today.

Environmental Biology actually doesn't seem too bad, for a science class. The professor said the lab was not as much about experiments as experience. We'll spend a lot of time off-campus observing the environment. I think this was a good choice for my lab class. I hate experiments.

Principles of Public Relations... I don't know about that yet. There are some people in the class that I already know are going to be annoying. I'll give it some time.

Art Foundations seems alright. The professor is really nice, and I think it will be fun.

Practical Grammar will definitely be my easy A. I couldn't remember some technical things, like names of things, but all I need is a refresher (like, even a reminder of what the options are) and I'll be good to go. The whole grade is based off quizzes, and there is no cumulative final.

I think this semester will be better than I originally anticipated. ......I hope.. :)

New semester

The semester from hell has begun. Classes don't seem so bad so far, but it's only the first day.

I had Philosophy of Person at 7:45. I actually felt pretty awake (as opposed to right now), and we got out pretty early. I need to find the book in the library to read the chapter on Plato for class on Thursday since my book hasn't arrived yet. The professor already cancelled class next Tuesday, which made me very happy.

Stats was... ok. I've gone four semesters without a math class, so it was a little weird to take one again. The professor has a very strong Minnesotan accent and wears way too much makeup, but she seems nice. We'll see what happens there. Of course we already have homework, so I had to buy the book to do that, leaving about $10 in my checking account. I have until Tuesday to return the book for full price, and I'm expecting the one I ordered to arrive by the end of the week. I did get my homework done quickly and easily.

Nutrition won't be a problem. It's half a semester, 0 credits, and has no tests or readings. I just have to make sure not to miss more than 2 days of class to pass. (It counts as a gym class, so it's pass/no credit)

I didn't have my lab today, which was nice. I went to lunch after class, worked out, and took a nap. Then I hung out in my room chatting with Sara a bit before leaving for my meeting.

The Cardinal editor meeting went way too long. I missed the Volunteer Mentor meeting, and we didn't really discuss a lot. The new copy editor and I might be going to a convention in Bloomington later this month. We made fliers announcing our next meeting and put together an email to be sent out to everyone. Danielle and I talked a little bit about how we're going to divide our Editor in Chief duties. All that took over two hours. I was late meeting Kelli, Molly, Jody and Beth for dinner too. It wasn't that bad, but it was a little frustrating missing other obligations when time isn't being used all that well. I'm going to try to be really organized and efficient as Editor in Chief next year (easier said than done, I know). At least we didn't have Senate today.

Now I'm at work. 8-11. I've been here for an hour and haven't done a thing. We've gotten three calls, I think. Now all the games are going to end at the same time, and it's going to be chaos.

I think I need to drop a few activities and obligations this semester. I haven't made a Habitat for Humanity meeting since the first one, and volunteering does about the same thing, so that will probably go. We don't really do anything in FAC (Future Alumni Committee), which has me tempted to keep it, but the uncertainty of it all really frustrates me. That one will probably go too.

I'll keep the Cardinal, obviously, now that I'm co-Editor in Chief. I'm still doing PR for SAC (Student Activities Committee). It looks like I could be the co-chair of the benefit dance too. I can't quit Volunteer Mentors either.

I'll try to give tours during the day, and we're going to see how I handle coaching speech. The newspaper job stays too.

Like I said, it's going to be the semester from hell.

Work's picking up now. :)

Classes start tomorrow. :( I go almost non-stop from 7:45 to 11:35, but then I'm done! (Most Tuesdays I'll have a lab in the afternoon, but not this week.)

I think I'm about ready for this semester to kick my butt. 17 credits, gym, 3 jobs, and my many activities (including a change to co- editor in chief of the cardinal and adding the dance committee) will be probably the biggest challenge I've come across yet. I'm really going to have to manage my time well and stay on top of things!

Hmm... I should put some stuff away and go to bed soon.

If anyone asks, I'm packing right now.

Isn't it weird how you can tell when a friendship is going to change long before it happens? Isn't it even weirder how you try to avoid it, even when it appears more and more inevitable? Isn't it even weirder than that when you finally, suddenly, randomly come to terms with it?

I did not expect to be sitting around packing and cleaning (aka putsing around online) on my last Saturday of break. This whole day has kind of been a bust. I didn't even feel like going to the gym. (I also won't have time tomorrow or Monday, so I basically got 3 of my free 7 days)

My family is annoying me today. It's one of those days where I just feel like I need my own space and independence. I really can't wait to get back to Winona on Monday.

So I should really pack.

:(

So far, so good

I'm loving 2009 so far... not that you can really evaluate a year based on two days, but still.

Today was a really good day. I got to sleep in a little, went to the gym, went ice skating, went to Caribou, and spent some good quality time with my grandma.

I think this year is going to be pretty great in general. I can't think of why not, besides a seriously hectic schedule this coming semester. I think I can keep up a positive attitude. :) Things are really falling into place quite nicely, with just the right amount of chaos.

I love my life :)

Welcome to 2009

My one official resolution is still to be happy with who I am. I'd say I'm generally there already, but there are still those days when I just don't feel good enough for my own standards (and I have pretty high standards for pretty much everything).

I don't think I want to be a journalist anymore...? I love writing and finding information, but I also like stability and a more controlled office-type environment. Goodness I change my mind a lot, I know. I just feel like there are so many other things I could do that might be more... comfortable? Reporters, and even editors, don't make a lot of money. They work irregular hours and even work weekends. I don't think I want that, especially way down the road when I have a family and whatnot.

I've been thinking a lot about my options... I feel like I have many, and that makes me feel a lot better. I've been looking up so many different companies and grad schools. I'm also trying to think about ways I can study abroad... namely, international grad schools. I'm also trying to figure out what exactly I would study. I have plenty of ideas... I just need to think about what would be the most practical and the most useful. There are so many things that interest me, and I really do like learning new things. I think it'll be easier to study more in grad school without my many clubs and activities too. As long as I'm focused primarily on my studies, I think I could be pretty successful with just about anything that isn't math or science. I'll probably do something business-related (maybe international business).

It's weird to change directions so quickly. I was so gung-ho about journalism and working for a newspaper. I think I get a little carried away when I'm excited about something and don't really think things through completely. I'm still very happy majoring in journalism. I'm learning many important skills and could probably get a job at many non-newspaper companies anyway. I still think I could like working at a newspaper, but I'm not so sure it's what I really want anymore. I'm still hoping to get that internship at the Pioneer Press. I think it would definitely help me figure some stuff out. However, I won't be quite as devastated if I don't get it. It's only fair that such a great opportunity go to someone who really wants to write for a newspaper.

I'm going to have a lot to think about for the next year at least. I think I'm also going to resolve to make good, responsible decisions in 2009. It's about time I really start acting like an adult (while still having fun, of course!).