Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I've had a lot on my mind lately...

My past is really important. I learned a lot of lessons, and it basically made me who I am now. That doesn't mean I should sit and dwell on it all the time. I do anyway. I'm not sure why. In high school I spent a lot of time thinking about middle school. Now I never think about middle school but find myself thinking about high school fairly often. I don't think about it in the same way though...

I used to think about high school in terms of what I missed and little things that would be worth going back for. Lately it's been the opposite. I think about why I shouldn't have liked it as much as I did. I think about how emotionally straining it was and how much drama there really was, even though I always thought I avoided the drama pretty well.

I think I got really stuck in high school and the hierarchy and the pressure to be someone I thought I needed to be rather than the person I was. I thought I was being myself, but in retrospect I realize just how much I was acting to please others or make myself feel better.

I've always worried way too much about things that don't end up mattering that much. I always think they're important, but then later I realize just how much I overreacted. I think too far ahead or worry about things that would work out just as well without freaking out. I'm going to try to learn from that and not worry so much anymore. I've already stopped worrying about guys and all that because I know there's nothing to worry about yet. I'm going to stop worrying about finding my dream job and just focus on getting through school and finding new experiences. I'll look into a career fair or two, but otherwise I'll keep my options open and not try to plan the future today. I won't overcommit myself, even if I want to be involved. I have so many interests that it's really not reasonable to expect to fit it all in. I'm going to keep the ones I have leadership roles in that I really enjoy, but I need some time for breathing too.

.........It would be nice to have time to breathe. So far this semester that hasn't been a problem. I really don't think my classes will cause me much stress, and I think as long as I keep up with the better study habits I finally started to pick up the end of last semester, I'll be fine.

I think it's about time I start switching some of my framed pictures to more recent ones.

...Ok, 7:45 philosophy class tomorrow... time to go to bed. :)

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