On being a nerd.

I've always been a bit of a nerd. I've learned to embrace it now, but I used to absolutely hate being called one. I really hated... no, I still hate... the negative connotation associated with the word nerd. Since when is it a bad thing to enjoy learning and to do well in school?

Being a nerd in elementary school meant my friends no longer wanted to be associated with me. Once the cliques started, I was pushed aside. Being a nerd in middle school was much worse. It meant I was someone to use. I was worth talking to when someone wanted homework help or needed an extra person on her side of an argument, but otherwise I was considered worthless. Being a nerd in high school meant people were careful about how much they hung out with me. Normal guys didn't talk to me, and some people still used me. Now being a nerd really doesn't mean anything, or if it does, I don't even bother to pay attention to it.

I never enjoyed studying or spending time on assignments. I've always liked learning new information, and I've always had a pretty easy time grasping new concepts, but I was never one to make school my life. I did work hard, but it was not because I needed to out-do everyone. It was not because I thought I was better than everyone.

It was because it was supposed to pay off.

I grew up learning that if I had perfect grades and did well in school, I would be rewarded with college scholarships. I heard about people getting big college scholarships for being good students, and I knew that was something I could definitely strive for.

I gave up the chance to be completely irresponsible and carefree for the goal of a scholarship.

What a waste of my time. As sad as that is to say- that making the effort to do well in school feels like a waste of time- but it really is unfair that I gave up so much of what it is to be a kid because I assumed it would pay off later.

It didn't.

Merit scholarships don't seem to exist anymore. It doesn't matter if you work hard, get good grades, give up your social life, and have real potential to be very successful in college. The only thing that matters anymore is how much money your parents make. I'm sorry, but part of the reason I worked so hard before college was for them. I didn't want my parents burdened by the cost of my education. My parents can't afford to pay for my private university education while preparing for my sister to go to college and trying to pay for other things they need. They have been working hard for their money for a very long time, and I think they deserve to use that money on things that directly affect them.

Not only that, but my parents don't even have to help me pay for school. The only reason they do is because I don't make nearly enough money in my three jobs to pay my tuition bill.

I really think scholarships should be merit based. That's not to say that people with real financial need wouldn't get them. I just think their merit should be ranked highest. You can have financial need and still be a good student and hard worker with potential to learn and grow at a college. There are a number of people here who do not take their studies nearly as seriously as I do and who do not bother to get involved in the campus community, and they receive twice as much aid as I do because their parents make less money than mine do. If people want a college education, they should work for it. They should take high school seriously and really work toward a goal. It is incredibly unfair to think that people who slacked off all through high school and are drinking away their entire college experience are being rewarded more than I am. I find it insulting even.

Everyone is entitled to a college education, but I don't think it should be handed to them on a silver platter. They should work for it. They should take their studies seriously and show some initiative.

Our current financial aid/scholarship system is rewarding the wrong thing entirely.