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I want to travel. I was supposed to go to Poland at least 3 times in the last 5 years and haven't. I could have gone to Costa Rica or Spain in high school but didn't. I planned on studying abroad in college but won't. I want to do the 3 weeks in Italy in May but can't. I would love to do the service trip to Africa this summer but know it's really not possible. I haven't been out of the country since Australia when I was 12. I haven't gone on a real out-of-state vacation since I was 13. I went to Biloxi, which was awesome. I want to do a few more service trips around the country before graduating. I was supposed to do so much more travelling by now. I won't get to do much once I'm working.

Speaking of, I'm starting to seriously worry about my career choice. I know I would make a really good copy editor, but I don't know if I could convince an employer to give me the chance to show it. I'm scared that I'll be stuck at small-town newspapers writing 7 days a week about small-town "news." I'm scared I'll have to struggle to make ends meet and that I'll never be able to afford the kinds of trips I want to take. I'm afraid I won't have time for my family... I'm afraid I won't make enough for it to be financially possible to have a big family. I'm suddenly worrying about big things that I've never really thought of before.

I love writing, and I love the idea of editing, but I'm starting to wonder if it's the best idea. I'd be good at it.... I'd be good at a lot of things, I think. I'm a hard worker and a fast learner. I'm just afraid I won't find a job where I'll be able to use my talents, be happy, and live comfortably. I want to be able to work hard while still having time for family and volunteering. I'll want to be able to go to kids' sports games and eat dinner as a family and help with homework. I know it's a long way off, but everything I do in the next 3 semesters will greatly affect my future.

I'm going to be working a lot more next semester, and I'll be saving up for spring break next year. I think I'm going to really work on saving in general. I'm going to be so much more responsible with my money. Part of me wants to try to save up enough for a trip to Europe after graduation before worrying about "real life." I think it would be worth it. I have plenty of clothes and can limit my shopping dramatically (after buying that one pair of boots I really want from Old Navy with the money I got from my grandma for Christmas). I know people don't generally like giving money for birthdays and Christmas, so I'll still have minor indulgences. I don't need to order pizza or Erbs&Gerbs as much, and I can do the whole water-only when going to Perkins with friends. I can be creative about hanging out with friends to try to avoid spending money. I can limit how often I go to Caribou. I can work as much as possible and spend as little as possible and try to save up enough for a post-graduation trip. I bet if I save up most of the money I could convince my parents (and probably my grandma) to help out a bit as a graduation present. I really just want to take advantage of being young and mostly worry-free while I can.

The only set-backs to the plan are: A) I'll have to spend a good amount on next year's spring break trip, and B) I probably won't be able to move out of my parents' house if I spend my money on Europe. I guess I'll just start saving and see where I am in about 17 months. (I'm graduating from college in just about 17 months.... Wow.)

I buy so much crap I don't need anyway. I won't completely restrict myself from buying stuff... that would only tempt me to spend more. I just like having a specific reason to save. Thinking "Europe" will be more effective than thinking "you don't really need it."

Of course, I also have to worry about school, scholarships, and loans.

Why does so much in life have to revolve around money?

On a brighter note, I had a fantastic Christmas! I really love spending time with my family, and it was nice to have a Christmas morning that didn't revolve around gifts. I think last night was my favorite Christmas Eve in a long time too. :)