I should be sleeping... it's almost 2am... but I can't sleep. I have way too much on my mind. At least I don't have class until 11:10 tomorrow... plus it's the last day of classes.

Why do girls get so stupid over guys? Why do guys get that much control? Are girls really that self-conscious? I mean, even some of the most confident, independent girls start to doubt themselves over guys. Even some of the most loyal and trustworthy girls will blow off their friends to hang out with a guy, even if the guy has no problem canceling or shortening plans to hang out with his friends. It's so disappointing to think that someone can be so self-sufficient one month, saying that guys shouldn't control our lives and that she might not even want to get married because she's too independent to be bogged down, and then start hanging out with a guy and throwing her whole philosophy out the window. I understand that new relationships are tricky and that it's important to spend a lot of time together to get to know each other, but a girl should never push her friends down to second string over a guy she just started dating. It's obvious to your friends when you try to sidestep plans. It's obvious when you don't commit to plans in case the guy is free. It's not cool to say you can hang out with us and the guy if you spend all your time with us preoccupied about leaving as early as you can to hang out with him. It's disappointing that you lie. It's disappointing that you lose so much of your confidence in yourself because you need this guy to like you. It's disappointing that you'd rather spend every day left of the semester with him than with us. It's disappointing that this is happening with someone I never would have expected it from. It's disappointing that you're not the only one who gets like this.

I'm almost glad that I haven't been in a relationship yet because I've needed to work on my confidence and self-esteem. Now that I'm comfortable in my own skin, I think I could better handle being in a relationship. I really hope I don't blow off my friends once I'm dating someone. I can't imagine doing that, but it happens so often that it almost has me worried it'll happen against my own will or something.

Well, I just refuse to let that happen. Once I eventually get into a relationship, I am going to make a conscious effort to manage my time between the guy and my friends. I mean, guys come and go, but your friends will always be there. As long as you don't constantly blow them off, I suppose...